Not So Funny Afterall
Or so says Miss Thystle 3 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: Help Me Baby Jesus, Thystleness, wtf
WTF Wednesday; Gangsta, Yo.
Or so says Miss Thystle 1 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: photos, quickies, Tacktastic, wtf
Dumification
Or so says Miss Thystle 7 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: conversations, Help Me Baby Jesus, m, momming, tags, teenagers, wtf
Another Reason California Sucks
Maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer this
Or so says Miss Thystle 6 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: America the Beautiful, momming, quickies
Excuses

What does a clown puking rainbows have to do with the fact that Vitamin Z makes it so that I care about nothing beyond not drooling (noticably, anyway) on myself? Nothing.
or this
You're welcome.
Or so says Miss Thystle 5 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: Help Me Baby Jesus, quickies, wtf
Holy Roller
I used to work in a large call center where dozens of people sat around me. So of course I spent most days eavesdropping on other peoples conversations.
The lady that sat behind me we nicknamed "The Churchlady" not because she was at all like the SNL character, but rather because almost every story she told managed to wind it's way to either a sermon she'd heard or something someone at church had experienced. This, despite the fact that she had two children, one of whom was the result of an affair and the other was the child of a man in prison for running a drug ring out of a day care.
One day, her neighbor BigHair loudly lamented her three year olds habit of PEEING ON THE WALL and so the Churchlady began to advise her on ways to discipline.
"You see" The Churchlady explained "The more you punish them, the more they act out. You have to guide your children with love"
This seemed like some pretty namby pamby advice, but whatever, so BigHair agreed that maybe she'd try praising the Sprinkler for what he did well in hopes that he'd stop being naughty.
Of course, several days later Sprinkler hosed not just the wall but also the TV. BigHair, though admitting it wasn't the best course of action admitted that she lost her temper and smacked his little pecker. Churchlady was aghast!
"Oh! You should NEVER smack your children! Hands are for loving! A child should remember that their mothers hands always reached out with a gentle touch. They should only think of their parents hands as having wiped away tears and embracing them in hugs. You should never, ever, slap a child! Think of the message that sends them! No, there is no excuse for you raising a hand to a child. That's why when my kids act out I understand that they need comfort! They need to understand what they've done wrong, so I take them aside and then I WHOOP THEM WITH A WOODEN SPOON".
Makes sense to me.
Or so says Miss Thystle 2 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: Help Me Baby Jesus, momming, remembering
Wordless Wednesday: Inch Worm
Or so says Miss Thystle 3 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
As you wish

she consoled herself with pistachio ice cream over a scoop of birthday cake flavored topped with Kissables and rainbow sprinkles.
Or so says Miss Thystle 7 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Right or Wrong?
Husband and I had a...let's call it a disagreement...about this and I'm still annoyed, because OBVIOUSLY I am correct and he's an ass. But I'll let y'all weigh in, just in case I'm off my tree here.
It happens.
Scene:
BabyMama is in the kitchen making dinner. Smooth is upstairs playing video games. BigSister is sitting on the couch and baby Gigi is in her Bumbo chair on the coffee table about a foot away from BigSister (she's ten)
Situation:
Gigi has figured out how to make her arms and legs work and wiggles free of her Bumbo (first time she's ever done so) and topples off the table. BigSister sees her escape (at her own admission) and makes no move to catch her (also, her own admission) and when Gigi is lying on the floor screaming her head off, rather than picking her up says, filled with wonder 'Sissy fell' as BabyMama sprints the 10 feet to the couch, climbs over it and snatches baby up.
Result:
Gigi is fine, but BabyMama is annoyed with BigSister for being a foot away and not only not preventing her from falling, but also doing nothing once she's fallen.
Conflict:
I'm ALL on BabyMama's side here. At ten, you should be old enough and responsible enough that when asked specifically to do something (keep an eye on the baby, in this case) that you should be capable of doing so. She wasn't left alone with the baby and was close enough that doing ANYTHING could have prevented the fall.
HSB says it's BabyMama's fault. Why? Because he's fucking crazy, that's why. Yes, she's the adult, but let's be realistic here, she left baby in a (presumed) safe place with an older child to watch her while she was FRYING FOOD ten feet away.
I say she was reasonable to do so, he says she's neglectful.
What say you?
(PS. No, Gigi isn't allowed to sit on the table anymore)
Or so says Miss Thystle 12 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: momming, My Peeps, what to do?
Seriously
Why does milk, when poured into a glass and left in the fridge, get colder than when in the carton?
Inquiring minds want to know!
Or so says Miss Thystle 4 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: quickies
Worst.Blog.Ever.
I was going to blog a video of my child (you know, the Window Licker?) dancing around a singing as she attempted to see exactly how truthful Vince was being when he said the ShamWow! would soak up ten times it's weight in water, but I was laughing too hard. Because honestly? Who does that? First off who buys ShamWow's? (For the record it was my husband) and secondly who gets THAT excited by the prospect of an As Seen On TV product? But I was laughing far too hard and she heard me and was all "What? What's so funny?" and all I could do was gasp out "Vinnnnccceeee" and then she looked at me like *I* was the crazy one.
So instead, I bring you this gem. Especially timely given my quest for a new tattoo. I think I'll get this one.
If you like that one you should see the rest over at ugliesttattoos.com
Or so says Miss Thystle 3 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: America the Beautiful, Help Me Baby Jesus, Tacktastic, Thystleness
Ouiser Says
Or so says Miss Thystle 3 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: Ouiser
Good Fences
(I was going to post about Disneyland, but Blogger was down yesterday and I left my camera at home today and you really need to see the pictures, because otherwise, how is it a travel blog? Right? Right.)
Yesterday as I was pulling out of my driveway I spotted my mailman coming around the corner and decided to wait for him. We've had the same mail man for at least eight years and he and I chat from time to time about the weather, the amount of junk mail I get, the fact the neighbors insist on parking directly in front of their mailbox etc. Basically the kind of small talk that you have with people you know nothing about.
As he hands me my mail yesterday he says to me "Hey, I see that you refinanced your house! How did you manage that in this economy?" and I'm like wait, what the hell? I didn't refinance? then I remembered that our mortgage company went tits up and our statements now come from another company. And he noticed. So I explained it to him, we commiserated about the shitty housing market and then he asked about J's shooting hobby, wondered if I still was selling costumes and did M like her out of state camp and THEN I was all? WTF?
I mean, I get that my garbage man knows a lot about me. After all, the clinking of my empty wine bottles against the Zoloft bottles IS a very distinct sound. But it never occurred to me that my mailman was actually paying attention to what he delivers me. He even commented on the amount of ammunition components that my husband orders and how he knew which houses he'd run to in the event of an emergency!
How freaking creepy stalkerish is that? And yet, think of the GOSSIP I can get about the neighbors! I'm totally going to bake him some cookies. Because Mama loves her some gossip....
Or so says Miss Thystle 6 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: America the Beautiful
Maybe it's me?

Or so says Miss Thystle 4 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: Help Me Baby Jesus, momming
Thank you, come again.
I swear to you guys that I never beat my kid about the head. I mean, sure, she's brain damaged, but that was totally not my fault. And anyway, I think the fact that she's "special" has less to do with getting her head slammed through a window and more to do with the fact that she's blond.
I could seriously have an entire blog about the retarded shit that M says. But then y'all would think that I let her eat a bowl of Lead n' Paint Flakes for breakfast and then wash it down with a glass of stupid.
But sometimes, OMG, sometimes she says some things that make me sit back and regret that I huffed gas fumes while I was pregnant.
Last night as we sat watching Paris Hilton's My New BFF she turns to me with deep concern and complete seriousness and says
"Can you get mittens with out the little thumby thingy? You know, like for people who don't have thumbs or whatever?"
Completely desensitized to such completely idiotic questions I replied
"Yeah, they're called SOCKS"
before thinking that HOLY SHIT, My kid is going to grow up to be a Wal-Mart greeter.
Or so says Miss Thystle 5 of my Peeps have something to say Links to this post
Labels: conversations, Help Me Baby Jesus, m, momming
















